I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
