I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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