Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
