i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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