I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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