she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
