I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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