How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
