i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
