its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
