my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
