Screwed.edu
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
