So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
