the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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