could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
