I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
