what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
