you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
