Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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