my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
