dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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