He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
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You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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