I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
