I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
