I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
