I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
