It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize