fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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