epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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