ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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