9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
