Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
