I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
