I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize