it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
