No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
