She is in my trunk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
