using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
