Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
