i think i have herpe
just one?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
