i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
