I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
