addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
