i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
