Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
