so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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