Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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