Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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