My Higher Power is John Stamos
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
