just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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