i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
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so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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