John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
