Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
