worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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