Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
