That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
