so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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