STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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