Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
