But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
