Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
