dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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