i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
