I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".