found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
