I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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