you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?