I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
