i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
